Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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