We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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