Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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