Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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