Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
sex in a hospital.. check
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
