Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
