At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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