It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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