im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
