bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They have beer where we have blood.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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