toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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