Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
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