I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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