I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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