Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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