i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
