11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
