I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
