Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
