Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
3 2 1 whiskey
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
