that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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