is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
