We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.