My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.