i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
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I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
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This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.