You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
