dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
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Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him