Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...