Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
