He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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