maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
