areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
