Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm really busy with my period
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