He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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