how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
