just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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