Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
