i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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