erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
