apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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