I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
