it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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