you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
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she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
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So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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