I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she smelled like a LAN party
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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