I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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