I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
