Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
