I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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