I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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