dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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