I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
