thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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