so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
