Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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