I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
