Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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