Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
