why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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