At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we should paint friendship bongs
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