I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
