Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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