Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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