the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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