you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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