She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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