he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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