My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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