The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
