It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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