i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
