So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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