Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
