I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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