a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
