the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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