i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
