What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
