I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
